"The Care Bear Hymen Unveiled"

The Care Bear . . .









To most people an adorable childhood cartoon or cuddly stuffed animal that they snuggled with at night . . .








To me . . . a deeply disturbed nineteen-year-old girl whose parents let her watch "Striptease" at age five






. . . hiding dark secrets.



It all began here . . .











And ii MAY or may NOT have been five in the morning, when I unearthed a dark secret in the form of a pink bubble.





Picture it!

I’m talking about ordinary, everyday things, like what is the official medical term for people to attempt to have sex with trees?










What is the official medical term for those who are attracted to fart’s?






And how unsatisfying midget porn is when THIS came on the screen in the form of an avatar!!!







That image brought one of the brightest moments of clarity of my existence.










THAT.IS.WHAT.A.CARE.BEAR.HYMEN.WOULD.LOOK.LIKE!!!!!

I shared my epiphany with everyone, but they didn’t listen. All they could see were clouds, rainbows, obese multicolored bears with sweet smiles, and thinly veiled homoerotic themes.







All they see are Funshine Bear and his lies . . .

But I know the truth!

Some people have a cherry . . .








And some mass marketed, eighties cartoon, multimillion dollar earning trademarks have BUBBLES . . .












Put that in your back pocket and smoke it.